Rules of the Road

In connection to Marty’s last post, here are rules for driving here that I wrote back in 2003 (satirically).

I’ve driven about 75 000 km on the roads here since then, had 4 accidents, 3 more bikes but I’d say that they are as true now as they were then

These are some rules to stay alive.

Rule One – Turn signals are seen as a sign of weakness.

Rule Two – Riding into on-coming traffic is usually safer than riding with traffic.

Rule Three – Never trust a Korean’s directions. There are three Gumi’s within twenty kilometers and their directions will get you to none of them.

Rule Four – If the road is well sign posted, paved and has a decent amount of traffic expect it to either A, end in a washout or B disappear into a rice paddy.

Rule Five- When you are kicking down a sidewalk at 60km/h look out for the police. They might be speeding towards you on the same sidewalk.

Rule Six – “Best Driver” on taxi cabs is awarded for highest scooter kills.

Rule Seven – Never race Etang Pizza boys.

Rule Eight. – When a Korean says ‘you are crazy’ for owning and driving a scooter, they are right.

Rule Nine – Korean law states that Car-Autobike accident, car is at fault. Autobike-Ajumma, Autobike is at fault. So only hit old women as they are getting into their cars.

Rule Ten – Never drive drunk, unless you are convinced of your own immortality and can bluff your way passed breath checks

Rule Eleven – If the sign says Kyong Ju, then GyeongJu, then KyungChu you are obviously headed to Busan.

Rule Twelve – If the number of the highway corresponds with the number on your map and the town name matches yours, you are obviously in the wrong province.

Rule Thirteen – If the guys in the bikeshop say “that’s impossible”, not only is it possible, but highly probable that somebody has already done much worse.

But seriously, be safe. Never drink and drive. Always have insurance, wear a helmet and stop at *cough* traffic signals.